Vol. 5, No. 10 U.S. Environmental Protection Agency October 1976 STEIGERWALO HONORED Bern J. Steigerwald Bern J. Steigerwald, Deputy Assis- tant Administrator for OAQPS has been selected as the Federal Environment- al Engineer of the Year. The award recognizes exemplary work and accom- plishments of environmental engineers in the Federal service and is spon- sored by the Conference of Federal Environmental Engineers in coopera- tion with the U.S. Civil Service Commission. EPA Administrator Russell E. Train nominated Dr. Steigerwald for the award citing his outstanding leader- ship and achievement in initiating and directing the EPA air programs. Train said, "Dr. Steigerwald has set an outstanding example in Feder- al-State cooperation. His work has been instrumental in our progress toward achieving our National Ambient Air Quality Standards." The award was presented at a meet- ing of the Conference of Federal En- vironmental Engineers on October 28 at Boiling Air Force Base, Washing- ton, D.C. MIREX UNDER INVESTIGATION by Elaine Hyman Mirex, a controversial ant poison and possible cancer-causing sub- stance, has been under investigation by Dr. Neil Chernoff, Research Tera- tologist, Dr. Thomas Scottie, Re- search Pathologist, and Ralph E. Linder, Research Biologist, HERL. According to Dr. August Curley, Chief of the Toxicology Branch, "These studies are a follow-up and refinement of work previously done by Dr. Renate D. Kimbrough and Thomas B. Gaines, former employees with EPA, Atlanta." Speaking for the group, Dr. Cher- noff revealed that Mirex produces cataracts in newborn rats and mice when exposed to the pesticide shortly after birth. As a research teratologist, Dr. Chernoff investigates the effect of pesticides in fetal and newborn ani- mals. During the course of the study, over 400 to 500 litters of rats were tested. Mirex was administered by gastric intubation directly to the mother. The offspring were then ex- posed to the pesticide through the mother's milk. After exposure, cata- racts appeared in the offspring as a white area in the lens sufficiently large enough to be visible without the aid of instrumentation. While Mirex was found not to pro- duce defects when administered to pregnant animals, the study does raise the question of whether early exposure to a chemical which produces (Continued on page 2) 1 RECIPIENT OF AWARD Dr. John B. Clements Dr. John B. Clements, Chief, QAB/ EMSL, received the first Moyer D. Thomas award given by the American Society for Testing and Materials. The presentation was made by ASTM president, John S. Wheeler, on October 19, at the Shamrock Hilton in Houston, Texas. The Thomas Award consists of a gold medal and is given in recogni- tion of outstanding achievement in the field of the sampling and analy- sis of atmosphere with emphasis on contributions leading to the develop- ment and use of consensus standards. Dr. Clements received the award for "outstanding contributions to the art and science of air quality measurement, providing leadership in the spirit of cooperation extant be- tween EPA and the consensus standards system of ASTM, and meritorious ser- vice to Committee D-22." A native of Dillwyn, Va., Dr. Clements received his Bachelor's degree from Hampden Sydney College (Continued on page 8) ------- MIREX....(Continued from page 1) cataracts may lead to greater sus- ceptibility for cataracts later in life. According to Dr. Chernoff, "A cata- ract is a rare phenomenon in children but is a common occurrence in older people." In another study recently released by Edwin L. Johnson, Deputy Assistant Administrator for Pesticide Programs, EPA, Washington, Mi rex was found in 37 samples of human fatty tissue out of 120 samples analyzed, which brings the problem even closer to human health. Johnson also confirmed that EPA has analyzed tests performed over the past 18 months on rats at the National Cancer Institute, and drew the tentative conclusion that Mirex was causing cancer in test animals. EPA is currently awaiting the con- clusions from the Institute's own cancer experts. For the past five years, EPA has considered banning Mirex, but its concern has been over possible ad- verse effects on marine life. Mirex, a very persistent chemical with an extraordinary life in the environment, kills shrimp in extremely low concen- trations. Mirex is currently being used to control the fire ant, a pest, which now infests 133 million acres in nine southern states, reaching from Florida to Texas. The fire ant, which resembles ordinary house and garden ants, poses a threat to the farmers in these areas. Dr. Chernoff and other EPA re- searchers are currently gathering information and data on all facets of Mirex. This information will be used to support a final decision on the use of this pesticide. EPA'ERS IN THE NEWS EPA'ers were back to back at a recent meeting of the U.S. Commis- sioned Officers Association held at the Faculty Club of North Carolina State University. Retiring president, Bill Vatavuk, SASD, turned the gavel over to the incoming president, Dr. Bill Kirk, HERL. Other new officers installed were Gregory Bujewski, Vice-presi- dent and Amos Slaymaker, Secretary- treasurer. Engraved plaques were awarded to past presidents of the North Carolina Branch. Receiving awards were: Ronnie Townsend, Gerald Akland, Amos Slaymaker, and Bill Vatavuk. All in all it was a big night for our CO's from EPA. In an informal ceremony held at RTP on October 5, a mobile van hous- ing an electrostatic precipitator was turned over to Dr. John Burchard, Director, IERL, by Joe Brumfield of the Naval Surface Weapons Center, the Contractor for the van. The Naval Surface Weapons Center and EPA began its mutual association three years ago under the auspices of the Technology Transfer Program. This program seeks to join Defense Department expertise and civilian agencies' requirements in a joint effort toward problem solution. In presenting the keys, Brumfield said, "The objective of this present effort was to provide the Agency with two mobile processes, a wet scrubber and an-electrostatic precipitator. The wet scrubber was delivered in December 1974. We are here today to announce the completion of this effort and to formally release the units to EPA. But more than that, we are here to acknowledge our enjoy- ment in an effort that has provided professional stimulation, new know- ledge, and equally important, new friends. We believe that while EPA has gained new research and evalua- tion hardware, the Navy has gained a greater understanding of approaches that can be used to solve Navy pro- blems. It has been a venture in which both activities have profited." Burchard noted that "The larger dust particles emitted by industrial smoke can generally be controlled. The EPA units now in operation will aid in the control of finer particles, which can sometimes lodge themselves deeper in the lungs and do more dam- age." BOTTLED KILLER BLOODIES With a blood alcohol concentration of one-tenth of a percent (0.10) a driver is seven times more likely to be responsible for having a fatal crash, than he would be with no alcohol, says the "Second Annual Report to the U.S. Congress on Alcohol and Health." But the probability of being re- sponsible for a fatal crash is essentially the same among drivers with low blood alcohol concentration (BAC) or less than one-twentieth of a percent (0.05), as it is among drivers with no alcohol. The relative hazard curve rises STREETS AND HIGHWAYS very sharply above this lower limit for a driver while intoxicated (DWI). Violation in most states is 0.15 per- cent. At a BAC of 0.15 percent, a driver would be 25 times more likely to be responsible for a fatal crash; at 0.18 percent he or she would be 60 times more likely; and at 0.20 percent (namely, at the average BAC found among convicted DWI's, and among fatally injured drivers who would have been eligible for a DWI conviction) he or she would be at least 100 times more likely to be responsible for a fatal crash than if they had not been drinking at all. ------- TRAINING (Left to right) James M. McDuffie, Training Officer, EPA; John H. DeFord, Director of Administration, EPA; Albert N. Whiting, NCCU Chancellor; and Dr. Waltz Maynor, Director of Continuing Education and Summer Sessions, NCCU. "SCHOOL DAYS, SCHOOL DAYS, GOOD OLD GOLDEN RULE DAYS," was the order of the day for some EPA employees as they wended their way to the audito- rium in the EPA Administration Build- ing, at 4:00 p.m., September 13. The adage, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks," is obsolete, as this reporter can attest. Through an agreement between North Carolina Central University and EPA, the University is offering three courses this semester through the Learning Center at EPA's Research Triangle facility. The courses being offered are English Composition, Introduction to Quantitative Methods, and a seminar in Public Administration. EPA employees are taking the courses at no cost to themselves and NCCU is providing teachers, materials, and administrative costs, as well as textbooks. Each course is limited to twenty students. Jim McDuffie, EPA's Training Officer, is directing the program. The college level courses are part of an extensive training program con- ducted by the Federal agency for its employees. Other activities of the Learning Center include career devel- opment programs, independent study programs, brief review courses under an individual learning program, and special interest programs. The CLEANER TIMES is published monthly by Public Affairs. Office of Administration. U.S. Environmental Protection Agency. Research Triangle Park. N.C. 27711. Liz Martin Editor Dorothy Rose Assistant Editor Elaine Hyman Reporter Produced with the assistance of the Word Processing Center: Graphics, Composition, and Printing Sections. GSD: Forms and Publications Center. GSD. Ouchless. Join the Payroll Savings Plan. lake stock in America. SOLUTION: The autopsy revealed that a Webly-Vickers 50.80 was the murder weapon and that Fecheimer was shot just after being run over by the tractor, thus the killer had to be on the scene at 4:11 A.M. Anyone who claimed to be somewhere else the night of July 4-5 could not have com- mitted the crime since no one can be in two places at the same time. (If the denial of the crime is false, then each statement about being in another place is true.) The Mechanic, The Topper, Grimey and Mean Mary are thus eliminated. The culprit, therefore, is Rotten Rocky. REGISTRATION FOR EPA LEARNING CENTER EVENING COURSES January to June 1977 When: Oct. 4, 76 - Nov. 4, 76 Where: Personnel Management Div. Administrative Bldg. RTP, N.C. Who: Federal and non-Federal Employees How: a. Federally Sponsored b. Self Sponsored c. Non-Federally Sponsored Procedure Agency Sponsored - Submit Optional Form 170 through appropriate manage- ment channels. Self Sponsored - Submit Optional Form 170 directly to Leona Col gla- zier, Registrar (MD-29) EPA, RTP, NC 27711 Non-Federal Organization Sponsored - Submit a letter from appropriate organization authorized official including the following information: 1. Title and date of course 2. Name, address, position title of nominee 3. Office to which bill should be forwarded ACCOUNTING I Cost: $100 Time: 5:00-6:30 Mon and Wed Place: Auditorium Location: Administrative Building ANATOMY AND PHYSIOLOGY Cost: $100 Time: 6:30-8:00 Mon and Wed Place: Auditorium Location: Administration Building ART OF MOTIVATING PEOPLE Cost: $100 Time: 5:00-6:30 Tues and Thurs Place: Auditorium Location: Administration Building BOOKKEEPING Cost: $100 Time: 6:30-8:00 Tues and Thurs Place: Auditorium Location: Administration Building BUSINESS LAW Cost: $100 Time: 5:00-6:30 Mon and Wed Place: Conference Room, Beaunit Annex, 128 Location: Administration Building BUSINESS MANAGEMENT Cost: $100 Time: 6:30-8:00 Mon and Wed Place: Conference Room, Beaunit Annex, 128 Location: Administration Building (Continued on page 8) ------- WHO'S UP FRONT Our "Up Front" secretaries this month are Sue Miller, CMD/OA, Karen Burnett Curtis, ESRL/ERC, and Fran Whitlow, P&M Staff/OAQPS. and well liked by all in the divi- sion." know it the crisis is over. I am pleased to have this opportunity to make a few comments about Karen and to tell her and the other readers of The Cleaner Times that she is sin- Sue Miller Sue Miller is secretary to D. K. Richmond, Director, Contracts Manage- ment Division, Office of Administra- tion. She is a graduate of Hard- barger's Business College, Raleigh. She came to EPA in 1971 right after graduation. Sue and her husband, Lee, live on a dairy farm in Hurdle Mills, N.C. The couple have an 18 month old daughter, Sherry Lee. Sue's hobbies are sewing, piano and reading. Her future plans are to enlarge her family and eventually get into a career field. Doug Richmond says, "I feel very fortunate to have Sue as a secretary. Her skills are topnotch. She is an excellent typist, well versed in shorthand, and has good office manage- ment capabilities. She respects the confidences necessary in the division secretary position, yet will express her mind—displaying excellent judg- ment when her advice is sought. She has good initiative and willingly tackles even the most difficult task. On top of all this, she is a super fine person, friendly, courteous, cerely appreciated. Karen Burnett Curtis Our next secretary, Karen Burnett Curtis, has been married just a little over a month. She and her husband, Clifton, live in Graham, N.C. Karen graduated from Alamance Central High School and received her B.A. in Business Education from Bennett College in Greensboro. She has 7-1/2 years experience as a Government secretary. Prior to join- ing this Agency she worked for the U.S. Atomic Energy Commission in Bethesda, Md. Her present position is secretary to Dr. Alfred Ellison, Deputy Director, Environmental Scien- ces Research Laboratory. Karen's hobbies include reading, working crossword puzzles, and playing soft- ball. Dr. Ellison had this to say about Karen, "She is an excellent secretary and a wonderful person. This is a combination that is hard to beat. Her typing work rarely contains an error and all other aspects of her assignments are performed at a cor- respondingly high level. Karen's even-tempered and pleasant person- ality are an asset to her and a bene- fit to us. All too frequently the workload builds up and everything has a short deadline. Karen takes these situations in stride and before we 4 Fran Whitlow Our third secretary this month is Fran Whitlow. Fran works for Will Brothers, Director, Planning and Management Staff, OAQPS. She is a native of Hillsborough, N.C., and graduated from Orange High School. Fran is married and has a 16-month old son, Jeffrey. The Whitlows now live in Bahama and are members of Mt. Bethel United Methodist Church. Fran is on the Board of Directors of the Bahama Volunteer Fire Department. She is serving her third year as Treasurer for the Fire Department. Her hobbies are learning to play ten- nis, reading, sewing, and "watching Jeff grow." When asked to comment on Fran, Will Brothers said, "She excels in everything she does and she constant- ly displays an exceptional ability to handle the wide range of activities of the P&M Staff. She is frequently confronted with work situations that require her immediate attention, have very short deadlines, and involve more than one division or office—and in pressure situations like this she (Continued on page 5) ------- WHO'S UP (Cont'd. from page 4) always determines what is needed, puts things in perspective, and then gets the job done in an efficient, low-key manner. The outstanding per- formance demonstrated in her overall role as secretary and office manager for me is vital to the day-to-day operations of our office. She is constantly aware of the day-to-day happenings and always handles things in a superior fashion. Fran fre- quently anticipates specific tasks that need to be done before certain projects or items are given to her and accomplishes them on her own initiative. She exercises mature judgment and has the ability to ex- amine all sides of a question and arrive at sound, logical conclusions. Fran's interest, cooperation, atti- tude, initiative, willingness, and resourcefulness are outstanding in every respect and it is really tre- mendous having her as part of our office." COMBINED FEDERAL CAMPAIGN-A MODEL PROGRAM As Federal employees, we are in- creasingly aware of the need to show continuing value and high cost effec- tiveness of our programs. Now we have an opportunity to participate in just such a program—the Combined Federal Campaign. It has a proven record of unusually high cost-effec- tiveness plus the element of excep- tional need. Twenty years ago there were up to twenty separate fund-raising drives in some Federal Agencies. Today, however, only one major campaign is conducted in the Research Triangle area which services three United Funds in Durham, Raleigh, and Chapel Hill, the International Service Agencies, and the National Health Agencies. Somewhat over one hundred separate organizations are represent- ed, ranging from very well known agencies such as the American Red Cross, down to local community centers and recreation programs known EPA TOUCH FOOTBALL RESULTS The second season of the EPA touch football league opened at Erwin Field on Saturday, October 2, despite the last minute cancellation of C. K. Fleaberg's Kazoo Marching Band for halftime festivities. In the opening contest, Ken's Quickies overcame early season mistakes to edge the Willies 7-0 by forfeit. The Willies' star, Dave Beck, was unable to play; thus the Willies punted the opener. The second contest had decidedly more action, as Dinger's Ringers pummelled the NERC-OFFS 40-6, with an early four touchdown blitz. Sub- stituting freely in the second half, the Ringers experienced a defensive lapse before posting three more scores and having a fourth score discounted by officials eager to end the debacle. The Ringers were led by the Legendary Ed Dinger with two in- terceptions, two touchdowns, and one extra point. Former Duke track star K. C. Hustle duplicated the Dinger's efforts, while four other Ringers also added points to the board. League Schedule Oct. 16 8:30 a.m. Ken's Quickies vs. Dinger's Ringers 10:00 a.m. NERC-OFFs vs. The Willies Oct. 30 8:30 a.m. Ken's Quickies vs. NERC-OFFs 10:00 a.m. Dinger's vs. The Willies For further information contact: C. Sedman 688-8146, X-301 K. Lloyd 688-8146, X-583 primarily by the persons who need and use them. *A11 organizations in the United Fund are aided substantially by our contributions, according to their relative need. *A11 are organized to provide equal opportunity: 1. To persons served, 2. Employment opportunities, and 3. Service opportunities. Last year collection costs local- ly accounted for a total of 4.8%. This exceedingly low collection rate, combined with the excellent account- ing and fiscal procedures required of each participating agency, means that your dollar does what you in- tended it to do--help our less for- tunate neighbors. Contribute generously—through your payroll deduction plan. Enjoy the feeling of being part of that efficient group of Federal employees who also care enough to help others. NCMA TAPS MYERS Cecil Myers Cecil Myers, CMD/OA, recently received his certificate as a Certi- fied Professional Contract Manager. The CPCM program is sponsored by the National Contracts Management Associ- ation and is a step in recognizing and emphasizing professionalism re- quired in the Government procurement field. ------- CONFERENCES AND SEMINARS Conference on Public Policy Issues in Nuclear Waste Management, October 27-29, Ramada/The O'Hare Inn, Chicago (Des Plaines), Illinois. Sponsored by the Energy Research & Development Administration, Nuclear Regulatory Commission, National Science Founda- tion, Council on Environmental Quali- ty and the Environmental Protection Agency. The World Future Society will pre- sent "Southeast 2001—The Next 25 Years," November 12-13, at the Urban Life Center, Georgia State Univer- sity, Atlanta, Georgia. For more information on confer- ences, contact the Public Affairs Office, MD-31, Ext. 2951. ANNOUNCEMENTS The film "AIR POLLUTION-THE FACTS" was shown at the Research Center/RTP, Wednesday, October 20 at 12:00 Noon and again at 12:35. It will also be shown in the auditorium at the Mutual Building, Thursday, November 4, at 12:00 Noon and 12:35. Anyone who did not have a chance to see the film at the OA Open House should take advantage of this oppor- tunity now. Twelve leading scientists, physi- cians, and engineers, including some EPA'ers, share with us their findings and deep concerns about the health effects of air pollution—the prob- lems and possibilities of controlling air pollution and the social economic factors affecting our decisions. (28 minutes, color) The Triangle Investment Club will meet November 9, 4:45 p.m., in M-303 at the Research Center/RTP. For fur- ther information, contact James Kinn, Ext. 2617. CITIZEN INPUT EPA looks for citizen participa- tion on many of its projects, such as 208, and many EPA'ers have taken that concept and put it to work for themselves. We've tracked down four EPA'ers who are working on two of Raleigh's 18 Citizen's Task Forces: John All is and Joe All, HERL, Malt Stevenson, CPDD, and Ralph Larsen, ESRL. John is chairman of the Northwest Task Force and as Chairman is also a member of the Citizen's Advisory Council. Walt is a working member of the Task Force. John reports that last year their activities were di- rected at the airport issue. Their Task Force put together a 30 page re- port in which they analyzed the air- port Master Plan and did an environ- mental impact statement on the vari- ous runway alternatives. After much study, they came to a decision to ask the City Council of Raleigh to with- draw its backing of Plan B. So far they have not been successful in this particular effort, but they're in there talking, arguing, and being 1n- volved. Walt commented on some other ac- tivities of the Task Force noting that they have been Involved in things that really "effect folks," such as the location of the new Rex Hospital and other rezonlng issues. They have worked intensively with the Recreation Department developing long-range plans for the location of new parks along with supporting a tree ordinance and the development of a greenway system connecting the city through a series of pathways and bike- trails. Joe reports that the Falls of the Neuse Task Force is divided into five subcommittees dealing with community concerns. The parks and recreation committee, for example, is working on a project to establish a park near a high rise which houses the elderly. This is his first year on the Task Force and he has been impressed with the City's attitude. "They really seek citizen input," says Joe, "and I think citizens have a better oppor- tunity to make themselves heard, whether it's getting a stop sign in- stalled or making changes in the bus route, when we can speak together." EPA SPEECHES AVAILABLE Copies of recent speeches given by EPA'ers are available from the Public Affairs Office, ext. 2953. Russell E. Train, Administrator: "Protecting the Ocean Environment: Some Implications for Maritime Acti- vity," delivered before the 4th International Seapower Symposium. i Remarks at two dedications: (1) the Maine Audubon Society Solar Building in Falmouth, Maine; and (2) the Muskegon County Wastewater Man- agement System in Muskegon, Michigan. General remarks on regulations given before the Governor's Commission on the Arizona Environment at Flag- staff, Arizona. 6 "Toward a True Conservatism: Wasting Least and Getting the Most Out of Our Resources," before the Portland City Club, Portland, Oregon. Also available, "Success Stories" compiled by EPA's News Service Divi- sion. These are selected news clip- pings from around the country de- scribing achievements in clean air and water. The press office also puts out a Weekly Briefing Book of news clippings from around the coun- try. If there's an area you're par- ticularly interested in, the Public Affairs Office will be glad to for- ward selected clippings to you. All it takes is a phone call. ------- THE CORRECT TITLE IS NOW A.M. CAMPBELL, Esq. Alfred H. Campbell Alfred H. Campbell was sworn in on September 17, 1976, in Greensboro, to practice law before the U.S. Dis- trict Courts and all State Courts in North Carolina. This is the result of four years of studying part-time at three dif- ferent law schools which included Duke and North Carolina Central Uni- versities of Durham, the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and a host of correspondence courses. In addition to his newly acquired "Juris Doctor," Al Campbell holds a B.S. in Biology from AST State Uni- versity of Greensboro, and an M.S. in Biology from UNC at Chapel Hill. Prior to the dissolution of the Air Pollution Training Institute, Al was Course Director for "Princi- pals and Practice of Air Pollution Control." This short but comprehen- sive introduction to the technology of air pollution control was taught to hundreds of individuals across the United States. While with the Insti- tute, he also conducted a number of legal courses and seminars on envi- ronmental legislation. Al is presently working in SASD/ OAQPS. Congratulations Al! PERSON-TO-PERSON Congratulations to Ken and Sandy Mull ins, SDMO/HERL. Sandy gave birth to a 7 Ib. 14 oz. boy, Michael Douglas, on August 30. Wedding Bells will soon ring for Carol Daves, FMD/OA, and David Beck, ESED/OAQPS. They announced their engagement September 2 and are plan- ning a November 20 wedding in Durham. We all wish Carol and Dave a long and happy life together. Vernon Daughtridge, EMB/EMSL, got his wish. His wife, Roxanne, gave birth to a 7 Ib. 15 oz. boy, Wesley Scott, September 24. Congratulations to Tom Clark, OAB/ EMSL, and his wife Susan on the birth of a son, Robert Anthony Clark, 8 Ibs. 8 ozs. born September 14. Whit Joyner, MDAD/OAQPS, and his partner Dottie DuBose of Raleigh, won the 1976 Tennis Mixed Doubles Championship. Tournament play con- tinued throughout the summer and in- volved doubles teams consisting of EPA employees and their partners. Hershell Carter, EBD, HERL, and his wife Maxine, became the proud parents of a 6 Ib. 14 oz. baby girl on September 22. Her name is Davita. Oddly enough this happened to the Carters on one other occasion, September 22, 1966. Her name is Davila. Coincidently, it's a one sign family, all are Virgos! PERSONNEL CORNER The following awards were approved during September 1976: QUALITY INCREASES: Thompson G. Pace - OAQPS Dorothy G. Rice - OAQPS Francis E. King - OAQPS CONTINUED SUPERIOR PERFORMANCE: Mary E. Whaley - OAQPS Edward J. Hanks, Jr. - OAQPS David R. Hicks - OAQPS Ronald J. Drago - OAQPS 7 BERMAN RECEIVES AWARD Dr. Ezra Berman Dr. Ezra Berman, Research Veteri- narian with HERL, received a Public Health Service Commendation Medal for his exceptional contribution to scientific knowledge on the use and husbandry of the domestic cat in bio- logical research. Dr. Berman is nationally recognized for his work with the domestic cat. He has com- piled a comprehensive bibliography of biological information of the domes- tic cat along with numerous other articles. He has also been responsi- ble for developing and carrying out a program to determine the effects of chronic exposure to low levels of microwave radiation in laboratory animals. Dr. Joe Held, Assistant Surgeon General, U.S. Public Health Service, presented the award to Berman. In presenting the award, Held noted that animal research is the "keystone in our research efforts to determine underlying causes and solutions to the health problems as they relate to people. The Public Health Service can provide seriously needed exper- tise to EPA," Held continued, "and we are pleased to have this fine working relationship." ------- REG I STRATI ON... (Con t'd. from page 3) BRAIN TEASER COURTS AND LAW Cost: $100 Time: 5:00-6:30 Tues and Thurs Place: Conference Room, Beaunit Annex, 128 Location: Administration Building BASIC ECONOMICS Cost: $100 Time: 6:30-8:00 Tues and Thurs Place: Conference Room, Beaunit Annex, 128 Location: Administration Building ENGLISH (Grammar) Cost: $100 Time: 5:00-6:30 Mon and Wed Place: Auditorium Location: ERC FRENCH Cost: Time: Place: Location: GERMAN Cost: Time: Place: Location: SPANISH: Cost: Time: Place: Location: $100 6:30-8:00 Mon and Wed Auditorium ERC $100 5:00-6:30 Tues and Thurs Auditorium ERC $100 6:30-8:00 Tues and Thurs Auditorium ERC CONSTITUTIONAL LAW Cost: $100 Time: 5:00-6:30 Mon and Wed Place: Class Room Location: ERC CRIMINAL LAW Cost: $100 Time: 6:30-8:00 Mon and Wed Place: Class Room Location: ERC PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT Cost: $100 Time: 5:00-6:30 Tues and Thurs Place: Class Room Location: ERC PHOTOGRAPHY (Picture Taking) Cost: $100 Time: 6:30-8:00 Tues and Thurs Location: ERC Place: Class Room Location: ERC PHOTOGRAPHY (Darkroom Procedures) Cost: $100 Time: 5:00-6:30 Mon and Wed Place: Conference Room Location: Mutual Building PLANT LIFE Cost: $100 Time: 6:30-8:00 Mon and Wed Place: Conference Room Location: Mutual Building PSYCHOLOGY (General) Cost: $100 Time: 5:00-6:30 Tues and Thurs Place: Conference Room Location: Mutual Building - by Frank Clay Sometime after midnight on the morning of July 5, 1975, Stausscheibe Fecheimer, debonair man about town, new^ owner-opera tor of the fashionable Triangle Massage Parlor, and first cousin of the late Pitot Venturi, was "rubbed out," and his last earthly remains were found in a pile of rubble at the bottom of a hill on the outskirts of town. Investigators found among the rubble, a large hypodermic needle containing traces of an un- known chemical, a short length of rope, a coil spring, and a small block of ice. Nearby stood what appeared to be a useless pile of scrap metal to which was fastened a ballistic trajectory impeller. An autopsy revealed that the victim was wearing cement overshoes, had been run over by a 1908 Steam Tractor just prior to being shot with a Webly-Vickers 50.80 automatic, and his body contained enough phenoph- thalein to kill 20 men. Police remained baffled until detective Hercules Poirote of the city of Red Rum reconstructed the events as follows: Stausscheibe Fecheimer was placed upright on a large block of ice inside an abandoned shack, with a rope tied around his neck. As the ice melted, Fecheimer descended, in- creasing the tension on the rope. At the precise tension, a spring-loaded device was activated, injecting Fecheimer with the contents of the hypo- dermic while simultaneously releasing the wheels of the 1908 steam tractor parked at the top of the hill. The rotating wheels of the tractor fired a Webly-Vickers 50.80 automatic into the shack jusf'b'efore the tractor rolled through the shack, and alas, Poirote determined that Fecheimer had been taken to the shack around 12:00 noon on July 4, but came to his ultimate end at 4:11 A.M. July 5. Poirote also determined that a Webly- Vickers 50.80 automatic was the instrument of Fecheimer's demise. A short time later, a gang of cut-throats and hoodlums was rounded up (except for Fossil Frank who is presently working as a chemist in Leaven- worth, Kansas). Each of the suspects made four statements to the District Attorney, three of which were true, and one of which was false. The sus- pects were: Mean Mary, Grimey, The Topper, Rotten Rocky, and The Mechanic. One of these suspects sent Stausscheibe Fecheimer to that Great Massage Parlor up in the sky. Whodunnit? The Mechanic: I am not the killer. I was doing some contract work in Ann Arbor at the time. Mean Mary is the guilty one. I have never even seen a Webly-Vickers 50.80. Rotten Rocky: I did not "rub out" Fecheimer. The Mechanic lied when he said Mean Mary was the guilty one. Grimey and I are old pals. Mean Mary owns a Webly-Vickers 50.80. Grimey: I did not kill Fecheimer. Rotten Rocky has never seen me before in his life. I spent the whole night of July 4-5 in a phone booth at the bus station trying to talk Mean Mary out of a stolen meatball recipe. I never owned a 1908 Steam Tractor but I always wanted to. Mean Mary: I am innocent. I was snowed in at home the night of July 4-5. Grimey lied about not knowing Rotten Rocky. One of us is guilty. The Topper: I am not guilty. Although I have three Webly-Vickers auto- matic hand guns, they are all 98.357 caliber. I was poaching alligators in Florida during the night in question. Mean Mary always lies about the snow. SOLUTION ON PAGE 3 PUBLIC SPEAKING Cost: $100 Time: 6:30-8:00 Tues and Thurs Place: Conference Room Location: Mutual Building TO BE ANNOUNCED LATER INCOME TAX INTERIOR DECORATING LANDSCAPING HOME REPAIR SEWING-ALTERATIONS AND TAILORING STATISTICS CLEMENTS (Cont'd. from page 1) and his Doctorate from the University of Virginia. Dr. Clements has been with EPA since 1968, and has been a major contributor to the development of the Agency's quality assurance program for air pollution measurements. And we at EPA would like to add, "Con- gratulations." ------- |